There was a day that stands out in my memory as a pinnacle of anger. On that day I fueled my hatred with every ounce of my being. I felt intense heat; world seeped in red; every fiber of my being partook in rapture; each bit adding fuel to pyre.
There was no funeral that day. This memory of intense rage is shared with my saddest; a loss of genius that occurred many years prior. Curiosity was culprit; desire my downfall. A friend provided half a tab of what he assured me was Mescaline; I took it in anticipation of an experience of extreme satisfaction; it would dumb me down forever. Had I known swallowing it would result in dire change; my life would be on a different track today.
That ninja drug was evil; stealthy; evil subtle. For the longest time I felt no different. My friend went off to watch 2001 but I decided to go home. I heeded intuition; just in case it kicks in later I would be somewhere safe. At home even more time passed; suddenly I was quite ill. My mom noticed. I confessed to her the deed I’d done. But my words had become incoherent. In my mind I was clear on what words I was trying to say, but on their way through my brain to my mouth they came out as gibberish. This was well into the end of my genius.
The strangest effect that I noticed while drugged was while watching television. The fakeness of the acting became amplified. Bad acting was literally distasteful. I kept switching channels until I came upon a movie about Jesus. Everyone involved was being true. Here there was intent. I flipped between that movie and the other channels; the BS detector remained fully functional. This was remarkable but not worth losing my genius over.
Even days after; drug free; I remained different; my genius was missing; now I was just smart; while feeling oh so dumb! It was like losing a limb. Most sad; genius gone; gone forever.
To complete this triad is my memory of being drunk; first of very few. It occurs after that half pill of genius obliteration and prior to rapturous rage. I was not yet twenty and just proposed to a runaway who accepted. We were all broke; living in an apartment owned by our friends who also own the grocery it was above.
Champagne introduced me to the dizzying world of intoxication. We celebrated and happiness filled the day into the night. I was so much in love, so very happy; wanting to share same with relatives and friends. I lost control of my being. I can still hear myself loudly proclaiming to all; as I went for more bottles of champagne in the store below: “I’m drunk!” I gleefully shouted. With a broad smile and a louder roar “I’m DRUNK!”. I was happy and giddy and yes, drunk. After a night that seemed to go on forever I finally passed out on my bed with room spinning. I awoke the next day clear headed; without any sign of hangover.
I was reminded of of these memories as I left New Penang with doggy bag in hand. The nearly too warm outside air a pleasurable contrast to its chilling interior. I headed to my right to an alley leading to the back and my parked caddy. I entered the alleyway and was greeted by a strong cool breeze. It blew through me; I stopped; enjoying the volume of air coursing through my entire being. I looked up at blue sky framed on each side by horizontal red brick of buildings above to left and right. The alley was narrow; well lit by sun; only three people wide. I was mid in alone; a canyon blowing with god’s refreshing breath. Memories then came of other moments that stood out as spires above the rest. Once again glimpsing; a peek at each soul peak.