Where Am I Now?

ConfusedApeToo Loud! The ringing woke me from a deep sleep. I did not answer the phone as I was still too groggy. Nor did whoever so rudely awaken me leave a message. This was yesterday. I remember it today as once again, but not as dramatically I was awoken from my slumber by Betty. It was 7 AM. The start of the daily grind where I assist her with getting to work just in time to get that last parking space!

Regaining consciousness is always a trial for me. Bits of who I am come drifting back while I look around at familiar surroundings. However sometimes the other world is so compelling that it is this one that seems more dreamlike and unreal. I miss the things I was about to do there and go about the daunting task of remembering what I am still trying to do here.

There was an exciting time long ago when I was in a dune buggy accelerating up a large yellow sand dune framed by a deep blue sky. I drove my vehicle up and over the top. As it was flying over to the other side, just before the wheels were once again churning up clouds of sand and dust, a vista of a large lake in a valley was spread out before my eyes. The sea green of it was edged with grass, ferns and palm trees. It was but a dream I had when I was 12 yet I’ve never forgotten it. I can still feel the cool wind rushing past my face as the heat reflecting off the dunes burned my cheeks. I do not know where it came from but this vivid experience presented to me in a dream has clearly etched itself into my memory. Somehow I lived it more so than other parts of my so called real life which are now lost forever. Reinforcing my knowledge that there is more to our lives than the common belief of having but one life starting at birth, growing, aging and ending with death.

Even if that belief is somehow real, it is better to believe in more! Those who limit us to a body and brain are simple minded. With knowledge comes the realization of all the space there is between atoms. Even what it is that makes us a body is blurred by foreign objects that live within. Some helpful and others that are quite detrimental. Our brains are at best a source of electrical activity to manipulate our bodies. Further investigations reveal that even our stomachs are somewhat autonomous and capable of thinking on its own tasks. Yet somehow we control our bodies, in the same manner as a puppet master. With a virtual body that wills the real body. When we are well this goes smoothly. Only when affected by drugs or illness do we lose control and wonder why our bodies are doing other than what we want them to do.

It’s possible it is just me. That is the sad part of our inability to truly understand ourselves. These are only mental exercises. When you see red is it the same red that I see? Perhaps it is really blue that you see where I see red. Yet we are able to accurately say that it is red. The math that your brain does just substitutes the actual color blue for red. Or perhaps that is what it does to me. There are still many mysteries that are an intimate part of our existence. But the first one that I start every one of my days with is “Where Am I Now?”.