If Only I Had a Memory

ForgotPassportWhen I was young I had no problem recalling seemingly endless amounts of trivia. My peeve was waiting for people who would invariably not show up because they forgot our appointment. Now that I am older I sympathize, for I now know what it feels like to have a forgetful memory.

In one way it is a gift. Every morning I awake to a new world. A world in which I know little of what I will do that day. Nor do I remember what it was I did yesterday. Yet it is hardly an impediment to getting through the daily routine. It is similar to and thankfully not as severe as stories of people writing everything down so that upon waking they can reestablish who they are. However I tend to forget both trivial and important things now. It has lead to a lament of superior attitude I felt in my youth.

So much of what defines us is our memory. We are also defined by our past actions and the remembrance of them that dwells in others. No wonder some people run away and create a new identity elsewhere. To a place where nobody really knows them. The lure of a simple life without all those strings of attachments. The ones that bind us to the rat race treadmill .

I could be so much more productive if instead of forgetfulness I could only remember what it is I am trying to do. But I am lost and find myself waking in front of the TV with a trail of drool from my mouth to my pillow. Why did I fall asleep on the couch? I should have turned off the TV and crawled into bed. For I no longer remember the details of many of the movies that I have seen. There are movies that I know I have seen before and marveled that now I could no longer remember the next scene, nor having seen the current one! It was as if I were watching for the very first time.

So far I still remember my friends and relatives though sometimes their names are just beyond the tip of my tongue. I wish not to forget you and I beg of you to forget me not. Upon hearing their name I know it to be correct, but guessing is not very effective. If only instead of spending so much time trying to remember I could carry on with whatever it is I am suppose to do.

Oh how productive I could be, if only I had a memory.