Much time was spent coming up with this blog entry. I started off by trying to find something on a nagging feeling I have, but nothing appropriate appeared on the net. Then my mind remembered a Love American Style episode where a man would continuously break out in songs from musicals, and finally found it was episode 60 from season 4 called “Love and the Singing Suitor”. At least I think it is. There was so little information, but it seems to be the only episode that fits my memory. It also has nothing to do with today’s subject, just a tangent
Finally I decided to record my mood and felt melancholy would best describe it. However upon looking up its definition I discover it is much darker than what I am feeling. My feeling is more between happy and sad, which I thought was melancholy, but perhaps having a feeling of ambivalence is an apt description. Where did I get the notion that feeling somewhere between happiness and sadness is being melancholy?
All this makes me think of communication failure. We share these words, but their foundations lie in different strata. Thus what I believe to be the definition, may not actually be. Nor is it easy to trace back to the source of my err. Perhaps one day while being in a state of ambivalence I felt an affinity for the sound of the word melancholy. But the meaning I thus attributed to it was wrong and thus all exchanges with me either to or from with regard to it was with a misinterpretation of the true meaning of that word leading to an unintentional breakdown of communication.
Come to think of it, even ambivalence when applied as meaning a war between happiness and sadness, does not describe this in-between feeling I am in. Worse none of this makes that nagging feeling that I forgot something go away either. In any case, as of late I’ve been feeling ambivalent not melancholy.